Finally, some Hope
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By Michelle Thompson in About an Adoption Published: Friday, 09 November 07 - 11:16 AM (GMT) Last Updated: Friday, 09 November 07 - 11:42 AM (GMT) |
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It had been six months without hearing anything. Six months! We had rung the social workers back in August, to ask what was going on, only to be told that the person involved was off on school holidays - summer school holidays take six weeks - how could you put people's lives on hold because of that!
We had been recommended for early medicals, but this somehow changed into early medical reports - and the forms hadn't been sent out by the person involved.
By September, then October, we had basically given up hope, and were coming to the very dark reasoning that by not sending out these forms for six months, that this was the Social Welfare agency's way of telling us we weren't really suitable or something. Thoughts from my side turned back to the hopeful couples we'd shared that first meeting with - here we were, already parents - perhaps they deserved to have more attention spent on them than we did? Self-doubts waved over me over the last few months, particularly with such self-sacrifices taking place in our family lives.
In September this year, I left fultime work. Our daughter began "big school" and we had not been able to locate suitable child-minding outside of office hours which would allow us both to commute to our workplaces. The social workers had all, on phone calls, and visits, nodded enthusiastically about this possible event - we would be looked on so much better, if I was at home to welcome our new adoptee into the family and settle them in.
Instead, I'm not sure just how much they realise what a strain my leaving work has been on the family - financially we now struggle to even buy birthday presents, or feed ourselves. I also feel, on many days, ousted from adult-hood, and society in general. I have been in tears on many occasions towards not being accepted by the other mothers in the school playground, and not having anyone to talk to - simply over a cup of coffee. The past two months have been the hardest in my life, and the resulting stress over money has caused a real strain on our marriage.
We, perhaps, aren't fully clear of that strain as yet - many people who have undergone similar suggest it will take a good six or so months to sort out the budget. My attempts at finding part-time work locally to ease the financial strain have been a bismal failure, and the world in total just seemed against us this year.
Until last week, on our wedding anniversary actually. Although because of the financial strain, my husband didn't bother to acknowledge the anniversary to any extent, he clung onto a letter I informed him arrived that morning. It was very simple - we were invited to attend four days of parenting courses, scheduled in January.
We still had things to sort out between ourselves that weekend, and there were still upsets to negotiate around the following week as I continued to be rejected from hopes of part-time jobs. Our marriage dropped to the lowest degree I believe it has ever got to, but after the tears and stammering attempts to make the family happy again, we looked at the letter, and we accepted.
I remain unsure how this will all pan out. How we can possibly afford to outfit another bedroom out, with no money to do so. Whether a part-time job will jeoporadise this hope in the future. But I so want this. And our daughter and Peter are just so wanting this also.
This week was National Adoption awareness week again. GMTV was again focussing each morning on one of the stories to do with adoption. Their call-centre was ringing with wanna-be adopters, and all I could think was - "get in line!" This time last year we began this whole thing. We rang up that call centre, and followed the guidence. We got in the queue, and a year later, we are finally hopeful that next year we may have a little boy joining our family.
GMTV informed us that they've had 12% less people wanting to adopt over the last year, and many children have been waiting a long time in foster care, to be placed. I don't understand this at all, when we've been in that system for a year now ourselves, with such slow movement towards our assessment.
On Monday morning's GMTV show they showed us a little boy called Jack. He is four, blonde, and perfect. He even looks like he is part of our family already. I could see him here, in the bedroom, playing with our new puppy, and going to football with his new dad. He has been waiting for a new family for ages, and I can't understand why - when he is so perfect.
I know that Jack is not for our family. By the time we ever get through this process, he will surely be snapped up by some very lucky family / couple / single out there. I just hope that somewhere out there is our "Jack" or Ben or whatever his (and his sibling, if there are two of them) are called. And that soon we will meet.
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